Thursday, April 26, 2012

Wrangler

(This week's photo prompt for http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/barbed-wire-and-bulls/ ...)

Two efforts this time (to make up for being gone last week)

Wrangler

Leather gloves fit comfortably over his roughened and calloused hands. His chest and shoulder muscles rippled effortlessly under a loose-fitting denim shirt as he pulled the last strand of barbed wire taut. Only a thin bead of sweat dripping from the headband of his white Stetson suggested that the afternoon sun was taking a toll. Effortlessly he hung the coil of wire over the fence post, and stepped back. He had easily capped one entire side of the Enclosure with wire. Natives now would have as much trouble getting out as Settlers would have in getting in to get them.

Something's Coming

He believed it was a sign of Bad Times coming, but no one else agreed. Each morning, or maybe every third morning, he thought there was a new stretch of fencing in place. The coil of barbed wire was always looped over the last fence post. Just as it had been the previous morning. Except it was a new fence post, and the wire extended ten feet further than it had before. No one else seemed to notice. Maybe the orange water or the bread shortages concerned them more. But something bad was coming. Of that he was very sure.

11 comments:

  1. Scott - I liked both pieces a lot. I think I liked the last one a little more, as it left a more powerful sense of foreboding. They are both good - just creepy enough to make you want to know more.

    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/flash-friday-fiction-9/

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  2. I really liked that second one. A gradual enclosure, in addition to all their other problems. Remarkably spooky.

    Mine's here: http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/trespass/

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  3. I like the bead of sweat...other than that, he was a cool customer...but it betrayed his effort. You did well illustrating him - both his character and his appearance!

    ~Susan (here's mine: www.susanwenzel.com)

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  4. Both good, Scott. Your writing ripples effortlessly... seriously. And both with a great sense of foreboding – good stuff.

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  5. Good job! I enjoyed the description--wonderful picture of the man. The foreboding has me wishing for more--great hook.

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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  6. I definitely liked this story the best. It had a quiet rhythm, like the other, but it led to a gentle foreboding to total unsettledness when we realised how close they were to the end...
    Very well done.

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  7. Oh, I thought I could comment separately on the first one, but I see I need to do it here. I think the whole story could be improved by changing two words in the last sentence to read: "Natives now would have as much trouble getting out as Settlers would have at getting at them."

    Anyway, just a little too subtle a story, whilst your second was subtle and unsettling!

    Cannot figure out what went wrong in my site for you though...

    Please go to Susan Montana's story - as Sussan De Allura on my other page here: http://fictionvictim.blogspot.com

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  8. I liked the first one, but loved the second one.
    Mysterious, frightening. The unknown, especially when you know the unknown can't be a good thing, is always a fearful thing.

    Mine: http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/

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  9. The mystery of the second one intrigued me. Like a frog in water being slowly heated, I think the townspeople are complacent. Once they realize the fire's too hot, it's too late to act.

    The first one makes me wish I could hire a few of your mc to do my fencing jobs. Haha, my muscles never ripple effortlessly and the stress is always evident by more than a bead of sweat on my own brow.

    Both of them were great stories, but I really liked the second one best.

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  10. Interesting to read two different stories. Thanks... I liked the first one best.

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  11. Two strong stories here, although I liked the sinister hints of the second one best (more my genre I reckon) but the wrangler sounds pretty hot and there's a lot of potential for both tales. Nice job.

    Mine is over here: http://joannakneilson.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-friday-wire-pilgrimage/

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