Friday, June 8, 2012

The Heist

This week's 100-word Friday Fictioneer prompt can be found at
http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/vertigo/

The Heist

Sirens wailed in pursuit as he raced through the streets, tires screaming in protest at his haste because he had never expected Agents to be waiting for him, but it didn’t take long to lose them and soon he pulled into The Park and, snatching the precious valise and slinging it over his shoulder, he leapt from the car and sprinted to the ball field searching for the rope ladder he knew was waiting to take him away, but when he finally reached the hatch his heart stopped because something was horribly wrong.

This wasn't the MetLife blimp he had ordered!
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22 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 8, 2012 at 8:12 AM

    Hey Scott,
    I like the Faulknerian single sentence rush of words that gives the story the appropriate urgency. Another insurance man trying to flee with our money!

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    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 8, 2012 at 10:11 AM

      Thanks, Carlos. I purposefully tried the single sentence approach, and am glad the first reader picked up on it. I liked your story, too

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJune 8, 2012 at 8:13 AM

    Oops, mine is at:http://repuestodelatabla.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/friday-fictioneer-100-word-story-airship/

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJune 8, 2012 at 8:15 AM

    laughs! :)

    http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/friday-fictioneer-spread-your-wings-and-fly/

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJune 8, 2012 at 8:18 AM

    Hehe - a great heist foiled by the wrong company! :) Well done!! Here's mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/07/friday-fictioneers-6812/

    ReplyDelete
  5. RussellJune 8, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Dear Scott,
    I think it is very clever AND funny!

    thanks for reading & commenting on mine. Here's the link for others. http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 8, 2012 at 10:16 AM

      Thanks, Russell ... I suggest anyone reading this who hasn't looked at Russell's yet should hustle over there and check it out.

      Delete
  6. AnonymousJune 8, 2012 at 12:40 PM

    HAHAHA - and let the hijinks ensue! Well sped, sir.

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/on-the-bright-side/

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    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 9, 2012 at 7:15 AM

      Thanks, Kathy. I'm afraid speed didn't have too much to do with anything, however.

      Delete
  7. AnonymousJune 8, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    Hi Scott,
    Good escape story, very exciting, with a nice twist of humor for good measure. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.

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    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 9, 2012 at 7:11 AM

      Thank you ... i don't think my protagonist finds much humor in his situation, but I'm glad you liked the wry twist.

      Delete
  8. UnknownJune 8, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    Serves him right.

    Here's my take: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/08/radiant-flight/

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    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 9, 2012 at 7:01 AM

      Maybe ... (it all depends on what it is that he's stealing, or from whom he's stealing it). Anyway, thanks for the comment and for reading my tale. Your poem is exceptional!

      Delete
  9. Lora's ~ JournalJune 8, 2012 at 7:12 PM

    Love it. Nice twist at the end. Have a feeling, the agents got a tip and ordered the right blimp...LOL. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 9, 2012 at 6:49 AM

      Yup ... I suspect the thief wasn't as clever as he thought he was. Thanks for the kind words, I'm off to yours right now ...

      Delete
  10. Rochelle Wisoff-FieldsJune 9, 2012 at 2:37 AM

    Sharp and crisp. Divine justice.
    www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/06/wings.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 9, 2012 at 6:48 AM

      Thanks for stopping by, Rochelle. It's a pleasant surprise to hear that my writing is sharp and crisp. I'm off to yours, right now ...

      Delete
  11. AnonymousJune 9, 2012 at 8:43 AM

    I think I might have ended it with the 'something was horribly wrong ....' it was intriguing and made me want to read more - thanks for sharing it :-)

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  12. Linda PalundJune 9, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    Oh Scott! this was perfect! Funny and challenging to read, with your speedy one sentence running on through the car chase, almost like those one take film shots that we all admire.
    The hilarious twist at the end - in fact, the hilarious idea of a Blimp being the getaway vehicle, was delicious!
    Thank you for your much appreciated comments on my story.
    See you next week,
    Lindaura
    and for those who have not stopped by yet:
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scott HaysJune 9, 2012 at 3:31 PM

      Thanks, Linda. For those who haven't yet read her wonderful take on this week's prompt, I suggest you follow the link she provided and check it out!

      Delete

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