Friday, June 1, 2012

Desolation


http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/desolation/
This week's 100-word Friday Flash Fiction
Photo credit belongs to Douglas McIlroy
(Actually, I wrote two this week, and both are one hundred words ... I guess I liked the prompt)
In The Lab

He straightened his tie, brushing stray wisps of fluff from his lab coat. He hated the fact he always had to tinker with the models at the last minute to make them work correctly. Damn! Someday, Federation funding would be adequate so he could do things right, instead of improvising. But there was no more time for whining. They were here, silently filing into the Observation Quarters. He cleared his throat against the deafening silence. "Gentlemen. We believe this is how tectonics work on this Blue Planet." He pressed the small button on his console, and gears began to grind.


Omens

Perhaps they should have heeded the omen on the desolate mountain pass before descending into the land of whiteskins. Altan shivered at the quiet. It was wrong. Their ponies shied at a rattling wind as they rode through fields grown wild from neglect. Shriveled fruit hung from branches. No tracks or prints marked the unkempt road. They crossed an empty bridge, coming upon clusters of wooden huts. No fires. No lights. The dark land was empty. Then, the crumbling ruins of a village. Human bones littered the ground near the largest stone building.

They must have come here to die.

21 comments:

  1. You must have really felt inspired by the prompt, two completely different story lines. Both very enjoyable. Here's mine for the week: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/06/01/payback/

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    1. Actually, I was. I currently live in the shadow of Mt Hood, and previously lived for 20 years awfully close to Mt Shasta ... obviously something about volcanoes. Anyway, I'm over to yours.

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  2. it just hit me while reading that you write really well...I personally really liked Omen more though, how you painted the picture and led the readers to the litter of human bones - was really good!

    http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/chads-little-nuggets-of-information/

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    1. Thank you ... I have written instructional materials for middle school teachers about the Silk Road, and find large swaths of west Asia to be fascinating (though this story might only have its roots there). I am on my way over to read your story.

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  3. Great stories both, really. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/fridayfictioneers-my-pilot/

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    1. Thanks ... I liked your story, too (surprised to see prose, however).

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  4. Hi Scott -
    I liked them both! I can see why you posted two - hard to pick which is better.

    Thanks for reading mine -
    http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/flash-friday-fiction-3/

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    1. Erin ... I have a strong earth science background, and am fascinated by everything associated with how the earth works. Science and magic go hand-in-hand in describing the world.

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  5. Wow. Both of these were terrific! They both left me wanting more...I sense more to both of these stories! Very well done! Thank you for your kind comment on mine. I really appreciate it: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/30/friday-fictioneers-1-june-2012-the-conquerer/

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    1. You are welcome ... and one, at least, might provide fodder for more.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Like the other readers before me I found both of them engaging. I was definitely more drawn to the first one though. I think it's because I'm partial to science. Loved them both. Mine: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-flash-fiction-start-day.html

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  7. Dear Scott,

    I'm glad you liked the prompt. Thanks for commenting on my story, Poli'ahu at Dawn. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to leave your thoughts.

    I enjoyed both of your stories. The anachronistic sound of 'gears began to grind' gave In the Lab a kind of Steampunk feeling. Nicely done.

    My favorite, though, was Omens. The feeling throughout was spooky and had the feel (and look) of an elegy. Very moving and mysterious and sad. Loved it.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    For fellow travelers - http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/poliahu-at-dawn/

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  8. Hi Scott,
    Both stories are particularly well written, though I think I like the first one best. It has the mysterious dark humour I like, and the slightly cleaner prose that I also like. That's just me, though. It reminded me of the Wizard of Oz – the actual character – I wonder if you had that in mind?

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  9. I can just see you really taking to the prompt this week, Mr Hays! I still preferred The Lab, but that's my sci fi leanings, and I loved the idea of the experiment going all wrong because of lack of funding.
    The Omen is okay, but comprises a little too much desolation description, where I think you could have stuck it a little more plot (I know, I know, but in 100 words, a phrase might be all you need...)
    ever the critic,
    yours as always,
    Lindaura
    and if you haven't seen this one yet, here I am:
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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  10. I like the first one best. I wondered where you were headed and actually clapped out loud at the ending. Very nice. Thank you for sharing (and for your comments on mine!)

    ~Susan
    (www.susanwenzel.com)

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  11. Both are interesting. Personally, I prefer Omen. I just never really get into the hard scifi.

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  12. Thanks Melody ... you might be surprised, however, where "Omen" was going.

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  13. I like the second story better... the suspense, the mystery, the ending.


    My link: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/

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    1. Thank you ... at least my scientist in the first story was more closely paying attention to the world than yours

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  14. I liked the Lab scene. Wait, as I think about it, are humans more akin to ants in an aquarium?!?

    http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/

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