Thursday, June 14, 2012

No Escape

Below you will find my 100-word (actually, 99-word) response to this week's Flash Friday Fiction, brought to us as usual by MadisonWoods. You can visit her site and read all the other stories at http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/pathways/

No Escape

We call them “wasps”. This is because of the low buzz that drones from their bodies, but they are much worse than an irritating insect. When they sting, they almost always destroy more than one house or car. They circle endlessly over our mud-walled huts, using electronic and infrared devices to seek out those whom someone has identified as a “terrorist” for small sums of silver. If we use the old pathways through the forest, we can sometimes travel without detection, but that is getting harder to do. No one is safe. How can we fight a non-human enemy.


46 comments:

  1. Very nice images--I felt the fear. Well done!

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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    1. Thank you, and thanks for stopping by. Fear is only a part of it. I really liked your spirit dream, by the way ... if that is what it was.

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  2. Scary! Wouldn't like to live there! Mine's here: http://marilynkaydennis.wordpress.com/madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-witch

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    1. You might be surprised! I'm heading over to yours in the morning.

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  4. I second Marilyn, would not want to live there! Great description Scott...

    http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-do-not-follow-me-home/

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    1. Thank you ... unfortunately, it's closer than you might think. I'm on my way over to yours right now ...

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  5. The scary part is it could be that anyone will be labeled a terrorist, just for an off comment or something innocent. I know vigilance is needed...sometimes....but too much and we are going way past 1984 and Big Brother is watching.

    Nice little flash. You painted a frightening future.

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    1. Thanks, Carrie ... though the "future" might be closer than we want to think.

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  6. Yes,very well done Mr. Scott. HATS OFF.
    Mine: http://niftitalks.com/2012/06/14/the-road-overgrown/

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    1. Thanks, Nifti ... your poem is quite lovely

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  7. Good terror of inhuman powerful seekers. I liked a precursor of this idea in Dune, and in this story, you capture more of the never-safe feeling. And yes, anyone can be called a name and then attacked. The truth is not important in politics any longer. Makes me shiver even without seekers (or are they a symbol for the drones we do have?)
    cheers,
    Laura
    http://westcoastwriters.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-fictioneers-woods-of-danger.html

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    1. In Waziristan, the locals call the drones that fly over their head daily "wasps", which is the germ for this tale. This is but one reason that this tale is closer to reality than many suspect.

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  8. Scary and great use of so few words!

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  9. The frightening thing about this is that the accusations are happening now, the ability to 'see' beyond walls is here now, the chance to be labelled 'terrorist' by anyone at any time is here, now. Well written and great take on the prompt and current social concerns. Here's mine too: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-visiting-grannys/

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    1. That's pretty much what I was trying to do, so thanks for verifying it came across. Liked your take on Red Riding Hood, by the way.

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  10. Hi ...Frightening piece. Seems we aren't save anywhere now.. not even in the woods. You can run, but cannot hide. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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  11. A beautiful, imaginative and high tech take on the prompt. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/fridayfictioneers-sacrilege/

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    1. Thank you for the kind words. Your myth was intriguing.

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  12. A great story.
    Such an innocent looking picture used to write a fearful story.
    A great take on the prompt.

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    1. It is fearful ... did you write a story?

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  13. Another take on the Terminator. Very cool. I wonder if these insectile drones actually burrow into the mudpack searching for humans, their metalic appendages clicking away.

    Here's mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/flash-fiction-friday-letting-go/

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    1. In my mind, they simply hover above the fray and kill from afar. Very antiseptic. Perhaps the next generation will have more of a seek and destroy mission

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  14. Very eerie. An original take on the prompt.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/given-a-choice-friday-fictioneers-june-2012/

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    1. Thanks, Sandra. Looks like we both envisioned "malevolent evils" this week.

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  15. In the middle of the story, I was thinking... Which sci-fi movie is this akin to?
    Well taken. I'd like to see a movie on this.

    Mine's here: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/15/six-oclock/

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    1. It's more akin to the Nightly News than to sci-fi, but thanks for the kind words. I think my folks would rather encounter your bear.

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  16. Very good imagery. I liked this a lot. I would love to see this expanded. How did they come to be there? Why are they there? Who are they watching? More, please! Here's mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-6152012-the-watcher/

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    1. There certainly is room to expand this idea, and thanks for suggesting it. I really liked your vignette, by the way.

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  17. I particularly appreciated how collaborators sold out 'terrorists' for small sums of silver, but I'm not going to have fun watering the trees tonight. Every time the cicadas kick up I'll be ducking!

    Another take on the theme,
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/breadcrumbs/

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    1. Cicadas could be trouble ... but it's the soft buzzing that you want to avoid. Thanks for the specific reference.

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  18. A lot of realism in this story, Scott. People selling each other out for the price of a cheeseburger. Talk about controling the populice . . . .

    mine's here http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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    1. Realism sucks, to be sure. I wonder if bears could do a better job?

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  19. Pretty topical, what with the whole "kill list" thing that's come to light, and well-written on top of it. Nice job!

    Brain (http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/15/arrival-in-sharesh-an-ill-omen/)

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    1. Thanks, Brian ... I liked your mystery story, too.

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  20. Really really liked this Scott! I could see an entire novel written around this world you've managed to build in so few words.

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    1. Thanks, Madison ... not sure if a longer piece is in the works or not. Still trying to find the right vehicle ...

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  21. Glad we're not there yet, Scott. Although you and Doug should get together with your anti-government propaganda ...at least until someone reports you ;)
    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fiction-the-knight-returns/

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    1. I would add one letter to one of your words: anti-governmentS. Also, I might point out that "propaganda" usually refers to biased or misleading information, and I don't think too many people living in North America have much information about drones, at all. Did you know, for example, that there are 62 places (at least) where drones are located and/or being used IN the United States? Or that 32 different local agencies (police departments, city councils, university or colleges) have applied for permits to fly them?

      Sounds like a "dragon" that your knight might want go after.

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  22. Scott....I did not care for your sarcastic comment on my blog and took the liberty of deleting it. For your information, my Wooded Path story was true...written exactly as it happened. Plus, if you don't like the genre, why don't you find another

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    1. It doesn't look like too many others will be visiting this site this week, but just in case, the previous comment warrants a response. The other option would be to just delete her comment ... but I have lived far too long and had far too many of my written pieces taken apart to have that thin a skin. Besides, I do not believe in censorship.

      Anyway, for my side of the story ... I visited Lora's site and read her story because she had visited mine and I was returning the favor. I sort of thought that is what we did, here. I did not like the story. I told her that, although to soften the criticism, I simply said I did not especially care for the genre. Her story was well-written, and I DID tell her that. But I also told her that I just could not wrap my brain around what I thought was a fiction that she was trying to sell. It seemed she was trying to rush events to get a melodramatic conclusion. Turns out, according to the above message, that the fiction actually took place. My bad. And perhaps the source of her anger.

      To be honest, I do not recall any "sarcastic comment"; perhaps the truth was easier for her to accept if she interpreted what I said as "sarcasm". I have been in this business ... especially working with young writers ... for far too long to put anyone's effort down with sarcasm! Still, that begs the question of what to do about criticism. Are we just a mutual admiration society here? Are we to lie if something doesn't move or grab us in some way? Would she prefer no comment at all?

      Finally, deletion/censorship sucks, no matter how you cut it. I deleted a message of mine, above ... because something that I wrote posted to the wrong place and so I rewrote it, put it in the right place, and then deleted the improperly placed one. That is not censorship. But to delete something because it is unflattering seems narcisstic, at best.

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  23. FIrst of all, I did not ask for your critique. However, constructive criticism is always helpful. In fact, Aloha Doug offered a tip on this very story (which I fixed). I was tickled pink and pleased that he took the time to do so. So you didn't like my story...felt I rushed and contrived a melodramatic conclusion... then why didn't you just pass on it? I read many FF stories that I don't care for and feel some are also contrived, but I am not one to pass judgment. I, instead, honor their effort. This late-bloomer is grateful to Madison for offering a wonderful platform and opportunity for all readers (on all levels) to create 100-word stories. This late-bloomer welcomes the chance to learn from those who are more advanced. In the few months I've been a member of FF, you have no idea how much I have learned. From now on, do me a favor and pass on my future stories. I will do the same.

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  24. I think critting a story we don't like should be like critting art we don't like. First look at the piece and see what is happening (what works and what doesn't) and comment on that without commenting on our personal bias. We're just not going to like all the stories, that's bound to happen when we've got so many to see now. But even in stories I love there are things that can be improved (sometimes) and if the author wants to know that, then yes, I'll point it out. But there's also nothing wrong with wanting a little encouragement and no crit at all (Scott if you're uncomfortable with that kind of commenting, just pass to the next story if you think it's very poorly written, or if that author doesn't want crit or if you just don't like the story). Sometimes encouragement is the only thing that'll get a writer through a low period so they can move on to better work.

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